The Runaway Child

All about life and shits

Recent Posts

  • The Holiday…

    What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

    A Christmas movie in which characters are played by Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Jack Black and Cameron Diaz. It’s a story of four people who were brought by fate, to fill in the void each other have felt.

    It’s how I see the movie was set, in my opinion. Falling in love temporarily, falling out of love extraordinarily. And just when they have decided to find their selves, love found them eventually.

    It has always been my dream to spend the holidays in a snowy cold place, and that movie apart from Home Alone always gives me the feeling of being somewhere cold and pale with Christmas trees, wine or hot chocolate. Accompanied by my favourite playlist and books to read.

  • The saddest…

    It is quite sad to be alone and have no one to talk to about how your day went…but it’s sadder when you talk about your day and no one’s listening.

    #selfcare #selflove #solo #alone #empty

  • A pet fish!

    Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?

    My current mental state is that I am circling iin the same place..like how a fish circles in the same tank every day.

  • ..help seems to me..the hardest word…

    Why does asking for help seem to be so hard?

    In my personal view, a person who was taught and told to handle things on his own during childhood. Asking for help means and could be a sign of lack of sense and..sense of responsibility.

    This contributed to the thought that no help might arrive since everyone knew I could handle things on my own. Being independent is good, however, it has its side effects too. It could build a huge gap between the person who needs help and the one who wishes to get that need.

    Which made HELP TO BE THE HARDEST WORD…EVEN HARDER THAN SORRY.

  • Too deep..

    Have you ever been in a random moment, when you feel like drowning? Emotions are too deep and heavy, dark and grey. Pale like a gloomy day and your chest suddenly burst with lots of unsettling emotions.

    I am drowning…..for years and years of trying so hard. I am now reminded of my limits, instead of floating I am sinking. It is so deep….too deep. So…suffocating.

  • You are amazing!

    Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

    Dear 100-year-old self, you’ve been great. Your life was/is an amazing journey and you can now rest well. It was a tough and daring battle, and you made it this far. Thank you for giving me a wonderful run of this lifetime that we have, and if ever by God’s grace. Let’s meet again…I would still choose to be you no matter how many times I have to be reincarnated. I love you dearly…thank you.

  • Regrets…

    POV:

    Hindi ko alam sa iba, pero I must say. Out of ten risks na ti-nake ko, baka isa lang masasabing nagsucceed. I got lots of plans na bumagsak, and if I am emotionally weak. Baka nagsisi na ako napress, nagkaanxiety, nabuang, there are people whom I trusted, pero they just broke me…just one thing I am proud of. I have never regretted any of it.

    Lovelife, financial, friendship and even family. Career? Well, I am happy kung saan ako ngayon. For others, my license and diploma might be something na masasabi nilang sayang. But to me, walang sayang. I have chosen this path, for a thousand times, pinagnilayan ko talaga maigi of whether I am to give it up or not.

    At the end of the day, I have chosen freedom.

    Yong buhay ko, parang roller coaster, minsan vikings, minsan din ferries wheel and there are times na it’s like rio rapidos. Up and down, whirlwind, storm, lightning and thunder. Pinagtibay ng season ika nga.

    Regrets? Wala…I was asked one time. HAVE YOU EVER SWEAR GOD? HAVE YOU EVER BLAMED OR ASKED HIM FOR THE THINGS THAT DID NOT WORK OUT?

    Honestly no, never. I was grateful enough for I was one of the many who were chosen to breathe for years. Well aware of the fact na whatever I do, it’s all on me is what keeps me going. Being responsible for my failures, actions and decisions..may it be out of anger, hatred, excitement, sadness, impulsiveness, etc., is the only thing I can give God back.

    I never regretted na tamad ako mag aral and I never blamed anyone for not being successful (just yet).

    I chose to learn sa mga mali ko, I chose to move forward than to get swallowed by regrets. It wasn’t easy, but have this thinking that everything will eventually going to get better.

    So…regret? Nah, I’ll just save my energy thinking of what to do next rather than allow unpleasant thoughts.

  • Awareness…

    How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

    It’s like giving my HOW, WHY, WHEN, WHO, WHAT the answers it needed. Preparing me to be more mindful, knowing the root and working on how to prevent the same mistake from happening. Learning from them make me feel like I still have thr chance to bw successful.

    Yeah…my failures remind me that as long as I keep track of what went wrong. I’d be able to achieve success later.

  • Life & Shits: A series of blogs

    #7 Unsubscribe

    So I was thinking…

    What if? What if I started to unsubscribe to one of the unnecessary premiums of my existence? I haven’t read any book about THE ART OF SAYING NO but already have read THE ART OF THINKING CLEARLY. It was an amazing read and it made my head nod from time to time as I flipped each page and scanned through every word, it was the first book that made me realize this ‘what if‘ I have in mind.

    I have seen my reflection in an unfamiliar thought, and gone through all the much-needed experiences yet I haven’t seen myself bloom in full. My experiences were rather exhausting and it is not taking me anywhere near the fulfilment of my dreams, I feel like sand drifting in my own hands. A shadow lurking in my darkness, an outpouring rain of my stagnant cycle.

    I’m neither happy nor sad, not a failure nor successful. Floating, like a red balloon up in the air with just but a thin thread. That at any time the wind blows on me, I’ll be done. I’d explode, my bits and pieces shattering. I’ll be gone for good. I was never regretful about anything, as I have said, though things weren’t going well I was always glad that I took the risk. I was always grateful and I was always motivated, that one day I’d be able to be free from whatever that was holding me.

    Back to the realization….

    I became aware, that the reason I couldn’t find myself blooming in full was because I am more worried about others than about myself. I was never my priority, my happiness comes second to others’ happiness. My success comes the least and I always do others the favor they need and then give myself the favour they seek. I wasn’t pleasing other people, I pushed others so they could climb up and they failed to work on their own after taking a step. They just fall back into the ground, with nothing left in me things were always that way.

    Decided….

    Instead of taking the fall with them again and again and again, I have decided to try freeing myself from the thought of making them my priority. Why not? Why not, I do it first. I push myself, climb as much as I can and when I’m able to stand on solid ground and pull them up. Maybe, sometimes it won’t hurt that much if I choose to prioritize myself first. It’s like before I help others. I should become someone capable enough, first. It’s not bad to extend a hand, what’s wrong is that when someone instead of reaching for it grabs your entire arm nonchalantly.

    What  SAYING NO means…

    I started my first try by saying no and I have become an insensitive person. From empathy, I turned into apathy. If I still allow guilt to cut me through, then nothing will ever change. Maybe, just maybe. Those people will eventually learn to rely on their selves, maybe by saying no to them they’ll be able to realize their capacity. It hurt when someone told me if you ain’t doing it, then just shut up. It wasn’t the first time I heard those words, so I thought to myself. I have to ignore it and just go on with what I have started. I’ll be the most insensitive person to people who were used to asking me this and that, but I will, perhaps be the person that I should become first to fulfill what I owe to myself.

    When I am hurting, struggling, having trouble. I do things on my own, no matter how difficult it is. I always see to it that I could find my way back up even if I have to crawl my way out. I should have unsubscribed to this unnecessary premium, but before I could do it, I’d already been hit by guilt, however, if I continue doing the old ways. I’ll eventually die from starvation, not with food, but for giving them all the nourishment in life so they can grow and bloom beautifully. I’ll be the most fucked up person, or maybe one of the fools who refused to realize their priorities.

    This is going to be a battle of my eagerness to become a better person, to grow and bloom and the guilt that will haunt me every day for not giving in to other people’s requests. Anyhow…I have to get going, I have to search for my meaning and I have to fulfill what I owe to myself.

  • The risk worth taking….

    You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

    I thought of my life as a risk I dared take. Struggling to find comfort amidst chaos and unsettlement. Things aren’t as good as I wish them to be, however, my life may have been a huge risk but it was and will always be a risk worth taking.