#3: Happiness
Is a choice….
The worst feeling of being alive is feeling dead despite hearing your heartbeats and knowing that you exist but you aren’t exactly, at least to live your own life. For others, being happy takes a lot. Courage, will, faith and putting them all together takes a lot of work too. Above all, it doesn’t work overnight. Years for others and a lifetime for some!
Attributed happiness…
Making other people happy is already a part of us as we are born and as we grow up, from our first spoken word to our first steps. Nobody tells who to just mess with life and learn from it, no? Everything we do from day one until we grow tired of it, it’s to make the people around us happier than ourselves. Character and role-playing, in a worst-case scenario, it’s even harder if you were born as a token to your parents. Everything drains down as we grow old and one day realize that most things we do that make others happy aren’t exactly the things that we dream of doing. In an instant, we feel as if we’ve been exhausted for a lifetime.
Moment of truth…
The more we get used to the cycle, the harder it is for us to realize things. Only that, eventually, it may take longer than the others. It comes, the moment of truth comes. Like a spark, it ignites once triggered and later on, could turn into a flare to a burning desire. Realizing that what we usually do becomes something that tires us out, sucks our energy and drains everything inside us is a very difficult truth. Questions surfaces like empty bottles, it floats and we are aware of it but it’s empty that we couldn’t find the answer. What is what, which is which?
Scarred…
Have you ever realised how scarred you are without noticing or knowing when have you ever been wounded? Most of us ignore pain by making ourselves believe that it is the right thing to do, surprisingly, those ignored feelings, emotions and thirst become scars carved and engraved inside us. Only then we are reminded of the pain we unconsciously endured through the years, the tears we tried to conceal and the vain we dared to defy. As gruesome as it sounds, I know there are a lot of us out there who are scarred unknowingly.
The fear…
As we begin to question and doubt our happiness, fear grows. What if this isn’t what I want? It grows, it shakes us, and we are so used to the cycle that it has become our comfort zone. What will happen to me if I choose to leave my comfort zone? Scary, then without knowing, there’s a war going on inside you. A war in between you and your self. The one who’s willing to just put up to it and keep on pretending and the other one who acts like a warrior ready for a battle and yet can’t figure out how to defeat the enemies in front of him.
Hard one..
Both happiness and unhappiness are choices, however, they cannot be taken easily. It takes the entire you, unshaken, unwavering and unfaltering. It requires not the wiser you, but a braver and a risk taker. Agree or not, we also get genuine happiness by messing our lives a little. By doing foolish things, breaking rules for the first time and stepping into a world different from the world the society and the people around you have built for you. Yet, it’s harder than it may sound.
If I am to go back…
I do not believe in what-ifs, let’s just say I am being theoretical. What if I can go back to the younger me? I would love to live a messier life, I’d love to take the chance of telling the person that I like that I like her. I will defy my parents several times, I will run freely and laugh out loud. I am going to live the life of a child that I deserve to be, even if it would make my parents mad at me. Do you know why? I have been doing everything I can to make them happy, never broken a rule yet I have never loved the way every child should be.
If there is one thing I am sure about, it’s that I do not regret anything. Even if I have to sacrifice my happiness, ’cause I know the moment I thirst…craved and fought for it. I have caused my comfort zone the same pain I suffered from.
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