There are words better left unspoken, emotions buried and feelings set aside. But for some reason, these things haunt us as we choose to ignore them. Most of the time, it transcends into something that we become regretful of. Like a phantom, it lurks and follows us no matter how far we go.
You get to sit with a cup of coffee, at a table for two and you think of someone that you once had something that you’ve kept for a long time. It happened to me, I have this person, a classmate with whom I have a huge crush. She was the only kid my age who made it to my world, a world only I exist in. She’d come and say hello all the time, or at times she saw me all alone with my eyes nailed on the landscape view from our school.
I wondered what she wanted from me, she’s got tons of friends, and she’s smart and intelligent. Man, I was so out of her league. I barely responded to her greetings, but she was persistent until I learned to answer back. Instead of asking me why I am distant from the others. She’d share her thoughts about what might I have been thinking. It became a routine, and I couldn’t help but admire her.
From Grade School, and High School to College, we’ve been in the same school. Just the way she’d smile and call my name feels like I’ve won a jackpot. It felt really good, I spent 9 years feeling that way. Too shy to talk, too scared to confess. We parted ways years after we graduated, she got married and I still, once visited her one time. She was still the same girl I liked, my first love perhaps.
I regret not telling her, but I was grateful for not telling her. I was caught in between the thought that if I did this, she might distance herself from me. Or she might have smiled and acknowledged my feelings. No, not that I expect her to like me back. Acknowledgement like; Thank you for liking me, I appreciate it. Remember, if you ought to confess or admit your feelings. You need not expect to be liked or loved back, it’s a given notion. Or if you liked that person, you gotta work your way hard to receive the same feelings.
A part of me stays with her, for she has given me the chance to feel the kind of emotion that was so new to me. I was even lucky that when her friends asked about me, she introduced me as her best friend. That was the best part of those years I spent admiring her, and wherever she may be right now. I know that she’s happy and living the life that she deserves.
Telling and not telling someone about how you feel is a tough choice to make, a decision that you must always consider the result. But, if you feel like you can’t live with regret in your life, even the smallest regret. Muster that courage, stand proud and tell that person how you feel. Being liked back or loved back is not the issue here, it’s giving yourself some closure. A chance to move on, and stop yourself from wishing. It will hurt you in the end, that’s enough reason to let go and give it a try. Be brave, no matter what the ending is make sure that you find peace within you.
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