Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Years ago, I was the type of person who allowed my past to take part in my current. Which resulted in a dimmer future and a very struggling present. I get easily angry whenever my past haunts me, I get irritated when my past reminds me of faces. I get so damn fucked up whenever my past comes flashing, it brought me to nowhere but my fall. My life, it was as dark as of the night skies without the moon and the stars.
One day..
Then came a time, I came to my senses. Knowing the fact that instead of walking with my head held high and with both my feet on the ground, I was crawling, instead of running I knew that I was rolling my way out. It was heavy, everything, they’re circling and stuck. Same place, same faces, same me. It was all blurry and heavy. I have decided to examine, what is it. What I was lacking? What was it that made my life seem so miserable instead of a privilege it felt like a burden. I breathed, but I couldn’t hear my heartbeat. I smile, but couldn’t even define what happiness means. I laughed, but deep inside I was breaking. What went wrong? And what should I do? One day, I question myself. What is it that you want? What is it and where are you heading?
In between…
In between past and present, pain hides. It lurked. It stays. It was carved, the more painful my past is, the heavier and darker my present is. The more my future blurs. No light, no hope, faith is faltering. Why? Why would I allow my past to toy with me? Why have I let my emotions get me? Why did I let people stomp on me? Why? Why? Just why?
Why should I let my past control my present, pollute my future and control me?
It was a struggle, it took a lot of time for me to get over. I did all I could and was supposed to. Just so I can free myself. There is no better teacher than of our past, that’s a given and it’s a fact. It’s just that, it should allow and keep us moving forward. It should not manipulate, hold and stop us from living. Yeah, I do not spend time thinking of my past. I choose to stpp forward and think of my present. It is..
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