Blinded by love, the hunger and longing it brings to anyone could push someone in the cliff without even knowing. Love can be deceiving by nature, thus, it depends on who takes full advantage on it. Personally, I don’t think love can grow unconditionally. As it comes with that deep longing of and to be loved back, it can’t be innocent enough not to ask for something in return. Do I believe that I could be happy just by loving someone deeply without being reciprocated? Hell no! A one sided love will always fall apart, worse, it can become something cruel to the point that its victim could lose everything without even knowing it.
In my years of giving my all to the person whom my heart chose to beat for, intimately and passionately, I wonder why I get so thirsty of love despite being on it for years. The kind of longing that I wished to be quenched by love itself, by the person whom I invested it with. It’s reality, I mean I’m talking about love base on my experiences. It’s crazy, whenever I’m alone and wandering in the vastness of my own thoughts. I get to realize that I haven’t been loved by anyone as much as I’ve lobed them.
I get to feel deeper longing of being loved back, I get to ask question about Why am I even here (In this relationship)? Does any of this matters? Like my efforts, understanding and all? I’m deeply wondering what is it that I’ve missed for years, what is it that has gotten me into such a chaotic thought. It felt as if my emotions has been invalidated, m wantings and longings been ignored and entirely I’m bing neglected! It feels very unfair.
So one day, I’ve heard something from my lover and it’s the worst of all words that anyone would like to hear. If it’s avoidable, you’d really want to just avoid it. But it didn’t! I’m in a relationship of which my partner/lover is in this whole standardized character playing, which always led me to being left in a maze wondering about Why does it has to be this way? I’m human too, I have needs and if my love can give me back the love that I’ve given that would be very perfecr, why does we need to do this shitty part of…I’m this, so you should be this.
Hello? If you say you need more affection than me, what am I to you then? I get to ask, Am I being wanted or just needed? Either ways, I don’t need to be wanted nor be needed. I, I just simply want to be loved…so why can’t I just be loved? Theb I came into this thought, It isn’t love when it isn’t…if we for some reason mistook love as part of need and wants then we are just counting numbers of people whom we are going to torture emotianally.
Why can’t love be just love? Not needed not wanted…for if it isn’t love then it isn’t love!
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