Asians being Asian!

Knowing one’s own root is more likely knowing the whole of it, like having to experience it at hand. As there’s this belief that goes, in order for one to know the other must take an opportunity walking on that someone’s shoes. Okay, before that. Being an Asian has its perks, we are everywhere! It doesn’t matter what we do, the fact remains that we are all over in every places.

Despite being prone to discrimination, we choose to thrive to where we choose to go. What we were taught back home is to be more flexible and adaptive, I won’t say we travel far and leave our land because we don’t stand a chance to land a job. There are jobs everywhere, we jut don’t like to get paid little. We expect to receive more than what our system can and we refuse to settle onto something we feel like we don’t deserved.

We spend 19-20 years working our asses studying only to receive that little? No way! Kidding, in my part I only wanted to work farther to get away from this whole Asian kind of stuffs. I mean we Filipinos are being raised by our parents, but for others I am pretty much sure it differs from mine. I of course dreamt to have a more stable career which could definitely give me a more stable financial status, who wouldn’t like that right? But, I rather live in an average life than of forcing my self to go along the flow and grovel my way to please everyone.

I am the fifth amongst seven children, born from a below average earning household. Oh that’s one thing we Filipinos are used to, usually those who doesn’t have that much tends to have more kids than of those wealthy and rich families. I wonder of whether having more children in a wealthy household means paying a lot of tax or they get penalties for it? But to be honest, being poor and rich in siblings means the merrier life is in everyday. When I say merrier, having to witness my 3 older sisters quarrel and argue everyday and worst pulling each other’s hair until someone could help stop them from going bald.

On a daily basis, we get to eat three times a day with greens. Vegetables all day, or salted tiny fish which we call bagoong isda (fish paste) or bagoong alamang (shrimp paste) and some greens boiled in the water with lemon grass, tomato and every kinds of greens!! A whole small native chicken stew chopped or cut into bite size equally divided to each of us is being served on some occasion. So, with these introductory words in mind, can you now begin to picture out the whole scenario? Okay, going back.

Being born in a huge family has both negative and positive impact, one positive impact is that we won’t miss out during playtime since we are a bunch of kids after all. There is no dull moment, not even once I am pretty much sure. Having three sisters, I do not worry about buying clothes or school uniform since I can just have theirs. Chores are divided, I mean supposedly. Unfortunately you’d be hearing the eldest passing hers to the younger ones and the younger ones would not stopped complaining until all of them receives an earful from an irritated mother.

It was truly fun until I began to understand things that are going on, our big family has its down-moments too, no matter how jolly we were as kids. This is when we get to hear our parents argue about money, worried of what and how to feed us and how to survive whenever father earned little. Above all, when father would come home drunk and wasted. It’s hell for everyone.

Now that’s where this piece is going, the most unpleasant truth about being born poor. I honestly call our family as poor since we are able to go to school and have 3 meals in a day, but that’s how this society calls and addresses those who have less.  Was raise having to understand what I have, I don’t have and I can’t have. I can have my proper meals in a day, I don’t have the leisure even for an hour and can’t have unnecessary expenses. A new pair of school shoes is already difficult even if I change shoes just once in every year, that I have to wear the same pair of worn out shoes for two years during High School. With status unstable as it is, our parents have one thought in mind and that is the goal to send us seven to school.

Luckily, my siblings are bright and smart while I am lazy and didn’t like studying. I’ve got the most average grades and poor as it may seem I am not interested with school related stuffs, neither would I defy my parents’ dream to see us all finish our studies. That’s my parents being Asian Parents, expectations is above the average and with the capacity I am on? Who would dare imagine that I can get through and get a degree? However, it was a degree that I didn’t dream of having. I too that course to make them fulfill their wish, I was the third amongst the seven to get a degree. Two of my older sisters refused to obey and yet suffered with a not so good life. I did followed, obeyed and the result was even overwhelming for I passed the licensure examination and yet I didn’t feel like doing it.

I went chasing for my freedom, I wanted to be free from all the expectations and just live a simple life following where my heart longed to be. I was so passionate about at and poems, however, I was not allowed to do it when I was in High School cause my parents’ cannot afford having an additional expenses. Especially to a child who seem to dislike studying, I was honest about my interest in flourishing my skills but was not given the slightest chance ever. I wanted to dance and play sports hoping to help me identify my self. Bu non of my attempts were honored, and one time I did it I suffered from my mother’s cold treatment for the whole week. I stopped thinking about writing, dancing and art and tried harder to at least avoid and prevent my self from failing every subjects.

I did managed and passed everything, but I wasn’t happy at all nor have I felt excitement at all and to me, having to study Criminal law was just an obligation and an order I needed to comply and obey. I have no grudge against my parents for all those stuffs, I do understand their reasons. My parents were mocked and laughed by our relatives and neighbors for being poor and having to raise seven kids on their own while earning really less than what we should have for our daily needs. I could hear my father tell me how he got humiliated by his peers and cursed to never be able to have even just one of his child finish college. That was enough for me to give up my desire to help my parents earn their keeps in this cruel and judgemental society.

Asians or not, it is the society that have set harsh standards, based on other people’s arrogance. Sometimes based on rich people’s view and those who have high standards on their own and tried to set their standards for us to forcibly comply with. If being Asian or being a Filipino means living life within and according to these standards, then I would have to give up my roots and forget everything. However, despite not being able to achieve what I desire and not being able to get a high paying job or at least that career aligned with my skills and talent, I am still proud being an Asian being Asian and a Filipino raised to be someone who would stand side by side with those who suffers from all these bullshit!! We Asians love our roots and no matter where we go, what life have we lived in our homeland we still choose to be Asians being Asian who pays respect to our motherland!!!!